Comfort

Today I got most of the day off of work and find myself sitting outside of a coffee shop on Lake Michigan. I just finished a delicious sandwich and am savoring the first iced latte I've had since leaving Seattle.

As I enjoy the tranquility of the afternoon, I find myself almost forgetting where I am. A beautiful lake, some coffee, and a book feel just like most of the days I spent in Seattle this summer. I am feeling a joy unlike any I have had since moving here. I am peaceful and comfortable partaking in a routine that I have spent most of my adult life creating. It isn't hard for me to forget the stress of my work week or  the struggles of my patients. In the midst of the comfort of my afternoon, there is a constant feeling that keeps popping up and reminding me that this is just the illusion of home.

As I look around me, I recognize very little. There are the landmarks that I know from exploring the area this month, of course, but still nothing feels like it is a part of my world. I don't know anyone who is sitting near me, or the name of the neighborhood where I am. It still shocks me sometimes to see only Wisconsin license plates on the cars driving by.

I liken this feeling to the first few months of college. I know only 7 people my age in a city I've never been to. I don't have my favorite neighborhood place to grab a beer after work, or my secret beach where I can go look at Mt. Rainier. I don't have friends who live nearby to call and say get a book and come join me here. I feel lost and a little stagnant. I'm unsure of where to go and feel like I've bored my roommates half to death with my stories.

It is a humbling experience to leave behind what is comfortable to engage in something new. My roommates and I talk a lot about the importance of engaging with the people around us on a daily basis by offering a smile or a good morning to people we pass on the street rather than retreating to a  phone or some other distraction. We talk about it in reference to the people we serve and the neighborhood we live in sometimes as if it is an abstract concept that doesn't really apply to us. But, as I sit here in this coffee shop, I savor every smile or hello that comes my way. I don't remember a time when I have relied so heavily on small interactions with strangers to fill my people quota for the day. I appreciate so much every person that takes an extra second to acknowledge me.  In paying attention to that feeling, I wouldn't say I'm lonely or sad in any way, but more longing for the comfort of belonging.


I really just want to know Milwaukee and the people in it. I know that it takes a long time to create a community in a new place, and that will come with time. So, for now I am grateful for the people who welcome me with a simple smile or nod in my direction. I will continue to appreciate the comfort of an afternoon filled with my favorite things and continue to explore and build a new home.